“What you don’t deal with, your children will deal with”.
I didn’t read this anywhere. It wasn’t a cool TED talk or a preach from a slick haired church pastor. It isn’t a bumper sticker or in the chorus of a catchy song. It was a thought. Just a passing thought. But that thought didn’t pass. It lingered, it evolved, it grew into something more than a thought. I really felt that thought, deep inside my spirit, inside my soul, in my heart. That thought became my life motto: “what you don’t deal with, your children will deal with”.
If a man has not dealt with his depressed thoughts and angry outbursts it will show in his children. They will have to deal with it. Alcoholic. Workaholic. Emotionless. It all leaves a wound in the child. They will have to deal with it as they grow.
A father’s influence over his child is the most powerful connection and even the unseen will be passed through the generations.
I struggled with isolation, emotionless and anger. But from the moment God dropped that thought in me, I realised that I cannot pass those characteristics on to my children. It would kill me to see my son battle the exact same issues I had, knowing that I could have prevented it.
I made an early commitment to fight.
To fight anger.
To fight isolation.
To fight for my emotions.
To fight for my children.
To leave a legacy.
My children are still going to have fight their own battles. But I hope that in my fight, I have made it easier for them. At least they will not be fighting my battles as well.
You would never leave broken glass in your child’s toy box because you know that at some point they will badly hurt themselves on something that you could have taken care of. In exactly the same way, why would you leave addiction to lust / rage / pride in your house because at some point your children will badly hurt themselves on something that you could have taken care of.
I pray that men see that the fight is worth the reward. That men can see the broke glass and remove it. Before someone gets hurt.
Much love. Rob